There are few things that I've been told, or that I've heard, that have made me question my method of handling pain.
The song Lullaby by Nickelback is one of those few things.
'I know the feeling, of finding yourself stuck out on a ledge. And there is no healing, from cutting yourself with the jagged edge.'
The statement has me questioning a lot of what I've been doing and how I've been thinking for the past couple years. I am entirely unashamed to admit that this is not the first time that Nickelback's music has made me think about myself and my life.
'Stop thinking about the easy way out, there's no need to go and blow the candle out. Because you're not done, you're far too young, and the best is yet to come.'
There really is no easy way out. I already knew this of course; however, covering up how you feel by hurting yourself is cowardly.
I can't believe how stupid I feel for even writing this, because I'm a perfectly content person for the most part, and generally happy...
There have been a lot of things in the past few years that have been weighing on my mind and making me go crazy... recently torturing memories and painful reminders.
Listening to Lullaby, sent to me by a concerned friend... it made me realize how much one person can hurt others simply just by being hurt...
I've never thought about the fact that others may see through me, that they might feel that I'm hurting. I never noticed anyone wondering what was going on in my mind, or if they might see how I flinch for no apparent reason... how I sometimes look down at my scars, how my eyes may give away how I feel. Maybe he noticed my nervous habit of running my fingers over my scars... waiting eagerly for a moment alone so I could add to the bleak, streaked collage on my arms.
If the band actually reads these blogs, I really hope you happen across this one. Merely because I wish to tell you that your music inspires me, it makes me think about how others see me and not just how I see myself. I will stop hurting the ones I love. My pain shouldn't add to their own.