December 23, 2010
I take the prize for Idiot of the Year! For those who await the missing photo, I'm sure you're wondering if we even had the photo op with Nickelback as we claimed. But I've been following up, and the last communication was on 12/7 so I thought. God shows a sense of humor sometimes. I checked e-mail but somehow missed the message that came on 12/9. LiveNation management requested info & I overlooked it for 12 days! Just prior to finding the message, I had prayed surrendering ALL the results to God.
Surrendering all really meant more than bragging rights, as some may automatically assume. Among other things, pressure mounts at work. Then at times, I frankly hate the holidays because of the void I feel without my husband. So when I think of Paul’s admonition in the Bible to be content in whatever state I find myself, it becomes a real challenge, especially when I don’t want to act out of selfishness or outside of God’s will. The missing photo only became one more in a slew of escalating frustrations, but the Lord seemed to be telling me, Don’t lose your cool. You don’t know who’s watching! So beginning November 5th, I started the arduous process of contacting those who could track down the photo. It’s now December 22nd. Then a brother in Christ, through my friend Lia, who of course attended the show with me, asked a question that startled me. He apparently wanted to know why I persisted in chasing the photo when most people would have given up and perhaps demanded a refund already.
Why indeed? After careful consideration, I came to the following admissions. The nobler part was that I wanted to see it all the way through because Robbin, who was also at the show, noticed a bunch of blogs from people stating that this problem had happened to them as well, and they never recovered their pics. I felt that I didn’t want to take the easy way out in case there was an ongoing problem that could be solved. I wanted to buck the someone-else-will-do-it syndrome. The less noble part was that I realized something about the pose reminded me way too much of all those pictures my husband and I took for the church directory. The more I thought about it, the more the refrain tortured me: I want him back! I hate this current state. I want him back!
I seemed to regress back to square one as if the whole tragedy of Ray’s death had just occurred. Once again, I’m amazed at God’s protection. The Enemy knows exactly how to mess with me, but the Lord made sure that the reminder, as overpowering as it was, would be distant enough for my safety. It would give me time to recognize it for what it was and gain enough guts to admit it. I told the Lord, OK, I’m giving it all to you--work pressures, abject grief and loneliness, missing photo, the need for a computer at home--everything, just as I had to do when I first tried so hard to secure my job almost 11 years ago. Whatever comes of all of it, it’s Yours. I don’t claim to know what Abraham must have felt as he raised the knife to sacrifice Isaac, but I know that God honored his trust and faithfulness by providing the ram that was caught in the thicket. I also know He honored me by opening the door to the job after a whole year of waiting and continuous searching. I don’t know how He’ll work all these current issues out, but I’ll follow this.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (KJV) 5Trust in the LORD with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. 6In all thy ways acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths.
Even as I get ready to post this (12/23), I just received an e-mail indicating that I had sent the wrong confirmation numbers and they would do their best to figure out what happened to the photo. Funny how I missed that other message for 12 days until I finally willingly surrendered it to God’s will; yet, I found this one almost immediately!