Trying not to love you....

Sun, Jun 30, 2013 at 3:52 PM By: karolyte

I never thought these words could be so meaningful. But now, this is the only song I can listen to. Because my heart is aching and I'd never thought this could happen to me. I had a boyfriend about two and a half years ago. We met online and it was a destiny (we found each other by accident, we had so much in common and we lived less than 5km away from each other). At first we talked on Skype about everything we could. We talked a lot, the first chat took about 9 hours... I was the happiest person when I was with him - long talks, his wonderful smile, the very first hug to warm me on the cold evening, the first kiss in the rain, his hand holding mine, his arms where I found a place for me... And still something wasn't right. Without no clear reasons we stopped seeing each other and it was only my fault. I told something is wrong, when I was with him I was extremely happy, I was smiling when he texted me and so on, but there was a strange feeling inside me. We started arguing and after three months everything was over. He wrote me a letter, told I was his first real love, he really liked me and couldn't stop writing me. But I thought splitting up was the best thing for both of us... But now.. more than two years later I understand that letting him go was the biggest mistake in my life. I saw him about three months ago, even talked to him and the feeling was the same - my heart beated faster, I couldn't stop smiling and couldn't speak normally, because.. well, you know what I mean.. ;)) Now he lives in other country, and as long as I know, has a girlfriend. Now I can't walk calmly in those places we'd been together. I see his face everywhere, he visits me in my dreams way too often... I remember every wonderful minute we spent together and blame myself for letting him go. So many times I tried to forget everything, but after a while the thoughts come back even worse than before...And I don't know what to do...'cause trying not to love him only makes me love him more...

  1. karolyte avatar

    On Tue, Jul 2, 2013 at 1:34 PM, karolyte said:

    I hope so too... ;))

  2. FrankieBug avatar

    On Tue, Jul 2, 2013 at 12:41 PM, FrankieBug said:

    thanks :) i hope it gets better for you too :)

  3. karolyte avatar

    On Mon, Jul 1, 2013 at 12:32 PM, karolyte said:

    Yeah, life sometimes really sucks..:// I that feeling "what if.." Wish the best for you, maybe someday that feeling will go away.. ;)

  4. FrankieBug avatar

    On Mon, Jul 1, 2013 at 11:27 AM, FrankieBug said:

    i kinda know what you're going through...my only real love lives in America and I live in Scotland - no more needed there. I still think about him a lot even though we broke up last november because of the distance i still wonder how it would be like if we met again later in life....what if he gets married and is happy and i realise that we should of made it work because i still have feelings for him? Basically, life sucks like that :/

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